I Am Made Whole Again

“I could feel my child hanging in the ether, I didn’t want them to wait too much longer…”

Merlin called me into a special room that he had set up to perform the procedure, the one that would regrow my womb and enable me to bear a child again. The thought made me extremely nervous, yet I was hopeful. Lilith was there, by Merlin’s side as I entered. I had asked her to be there with me.

I knew, if the pain was too much, she was the only one who could push me through it if I started to beg Merlin to stop. Merlin extracted a promise, similar to the one I got from Lilith; no matter what she would not try to stop him.

He told her I would be in excruciating pain, and Lilith swore to him, as she did to me, that she would not try to stop him. Merlin indicated the only bed in the room and I went to it, laying down slowly, my breathing deep and calm. 

“Medea, are you sure?” Lilith asked. I just nodded, worried that if I spoke to answer that question I would chicken out.

I took a few more deep breaths, calmed myself, and looked at Lilith. “Swear to me, no matter what I say, you will not let me stop.” I know she had already promised us, Merlin and I, but I needed to hear it then, in the moment.

Lilith nodded. “If it’s what you want, of course.” 

“Whether I beg for death, or beg you to stop it, I need you to keep me going,” I emphasized.

Lilith took my hand and smiled gently. “You can rely on me, sister.” The affirmation warmed my heart and I looked at Merlin.

“Ready?” He asked quickly. 

I looked between them, Lilith squeezed my hand and I nodded. “I’m ready.”

“Now as I’ve said before, this will be painful because I’m not only regrowing but bringing something back.” He stated.

“Right,” I replied simply.

Merlin looked down at me. “Close your eyes and slow your breath.” I did as he said. Lilith began drawing little circles in my hand, I think to help calm me down. Merlin interlocked his fingers and placed his hands over my pelvis. I could see, with my mind’s eye, what was going on, but the vision was skewed a little. Merlin closed his eyes and chanted, “Ceangail an corp seo, ris an rud a tha air chall.” Bright green energy flowed through his hands into my womb burning away all the dead tissue.

“AHHHHHH!!” I screamed in pain as I felt the energy burning through the death within. Lilith placed a hand on my head to keep me from thrashing.

“Thig còmhla ris a ’bhodhaig agus an anam seo le ùine.” Merlin continued, the burning attached to my soul.

I screamed again in pain, in terror, and began trying to pull away from Merlin’s magic. Lilith stood up and held my arms, preventing me from moving too much. She was quite strong, despite her size.

“Lilith, please hold her tight,” Merlin said as I looked up at Lilith, terrified. “This is the part where it regrows, the worst part.” Lilith increased the pressure on my arms, and smiled down at me reassuringly. “Thoir air ais na tha air a bhith a ’gabhail.” 

I screamed and begged to be let go. “Please, I can’t do this, it’s wrong of me,” I screamed again. “Lilith, please let me go!”

“It’s ok Medea, think of Gabe and your future.” She said reassuringly. The green energy turned black and Merlin raised a hand. “I’m sorry sister, I love you.” I could see that she was crying as well, doing as I originally asked her.

I looked from Lilith to Merlin, seeing the green shift to black, and my eyes widened in fear. “No… Fate was wrong, I don’t get children… STOP, please… AHHHHHHH!!”

“Dèan an corp seo gu h-iomlan agus coibhneil.” Merlin continued as I screamed.

Lilith held me tighter, murmuring to me. “You can do this, you’re the strongest woman I know.” Merlin pushed his palm into my stomach, and the burning increased.

“I’m not, I’m weak and I’m terrified… NO!!! It hurts so much, Merlin please!!” I cried out, but Lilith just watched Merlin with trust in her eyes, even if I could see the fear there too. 

Lilith kissed my forehead and muttered. “You’re not weak.”

“Ceangail an corp ris an itealan seo.” Merlin chanted as the room flashed bright green.

My legs thrashed about on the bed as I writhed in pain, tears streamed down my face as I felt the last burns. Merlin fell down, exhausted. “It is done.” He stated softly.

Lilith winced and took me in her arms for a moment. “Are you ok Medea?” However, when she saw Merlin fall, she rushed over to his side and held him. “Merlin, are you ok?” I couldn’t be angry, I hurt too much.

The pain receded slowly and I shook uncontrollably. “I… no, I don’t know.” My voice was shaky, it didn’t sound like mine at all. 

Merlin’s ring glowed green for a moment then it dimmed. “I’m ok.” He stood slowly. Lilith threw her arms around him hugging him tightly. “That was harder than I remember,” he commented softly.

Lilith looked down at me, curling into a ball and cursed. “Bloody hell Medea. This is why I hate magic.”

Merlin just asked me how I was feeling.

I curled up tighter, cradling my stomach. “I don’t feel any different, shouldn’t I?” Lilith sat down beside me and took one of my hands.

“The pain will subside in a few minutes, and no. You won’t feel any different, until, well… you know.” Merlin said as he wiped his brow.

I nodded, “Right, right.”

Lilith looked at Merlin with awe and love, I was trying to focus on things other than the pain in my abdomen. “You are incredible, love.” 

Merlin answered simply. “It’s just the magic and knowing how to control it.” 

“Well I’m impressed,” Lilith replied, still staring at Merlin. “Medea, can I do anything to help?” She asked softly.

I tried rolling off the bed but it hurt a lot. “I just need to get to my bed.”

“I just need to rest,” Merlin said, more to himself I think than anything, but as I tried to stand he stopped me. “Let me check you first.”

Lilith stepped out of the way, and I nodded, trying to open my body up to him. He held his hand over my abdomen and closed his eyes. She was watching him with interest.

Merlin spoke softly. “Let me calm your body.” I looked up at him and nodded, as uncurled as I was going to get. “Gabh fois, relax.” A blanket of green energy washed over me, calming me. 

I breathed deeply and relaxed. “I still want to get to my own bed.”

“Just wait,” Merlin said as he closed his eyes and focused. He slid his hand down over my pelvis as Lilith looked between us, waiting anxiously. 

“Is she okay?” Lilith finally asked the question we were both wondering.

Merlin smiled. “It is whole again.”

The words filtered through my brain, but I was having trouble processing them. “I can… I can have kids again?” Merlin stepped back while Lilith jumped for joy.

“Congratulations.” Lilith exclaimed happily. “Well done, my love,” she said to Merlin. 

“Yes, and you are ovulating as we speak, so careful of… celebrating.” Merlin warned. 

That was the last thing I remembered hearing for a while. I was ovulating, for the first time in millennia, and I could bear Gabriel’s children. I heard the voice of our first crying out in joy, a soft “Mama,” in the wind of my mind, and I smiled. I looked up at Merlin and smiled brightly. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome,” he replied with a smile. 

“Now, can I go to my own bed?” I asked a little forcefully. I knew Lilith and Merlin were discussing something. If I’m being honest, I tuned them out and focused on the little voice in my mind, calling me home.

I only changed my focus back when Merlin said my name.

“Yes you can, Medea.” I just nodded and rolled my legs off the bed and began to stand. I had already begun walking to the door before Merlin spoke up. “Medea, would you like help to your room?”

I shook my head and made my way to the door. “No, I think I can make it.” Lilith had taken my arm.

“Lilith dear, please help her,” Merlin said, it almost sounded like a command, and I smiled over at Lilith.

“Or I could use some help,” I added almost jokingly.

Lilith picked me up effortlessly, I knew she was strong, but damn. “Ok. I’m quite strong you know.” 

I squeaked a little, having just realized that. “Oh, I can see that.”

Lilith carried me to my room; I opened the door and she placed me down on my bed gently. She smiled kindly, kissed my forehead, and left quietly.

Gabriel was there, waiting. “Medea, what just happened?” He pulled me towards him, embracing me gently.

“Merlin fixed me,” I responded softly.

Gabriel’s voice broke a little, and so did my heart. “Why didn’t you tell me…” his voice trailed off as he buried his face in my hair. 

I leaned into him, speaking softly. “I knew you would try to listen to my cries of pain, when/if I begged Merlin to stop, you would try to stop him. And if you had, I would have died.”

All Gabriel could do was rock me. “Tell me what you need.” 

I smiled at him. “Just this, just you and me. Just you holding me, loving me. Your aura is already helping me to calm down. Also, right now, I’m especially fertile, and apparently ovulating; so we either need to be very careful or get ready for pregnancy.” 

“Always, rest in me. I’m already ready,” Gabriel said quickly, “But I’m not the one who has to do the heavy lifting.”

I nodded and smiled, tired from what my body had just gone through. “I know you’ll be an excellent father.”

We talked about what we wanted for the next little while. We were both ready to create life, but then there was a noise. I sent Gabriel out to check, warding the room from phasing, even against him. The pain returned while Gabriel was gone; I knew he was fighting, I was watching the battle from afar, but was too weak to assist. When he returned, tired and wrapped me in his arms, I felt calm, safe, and loved. We spoke some more before drifting off to sleep. 


The next morning I awoke feeling better, but still sore, so Gabriel and I opted to stay in bed. At some point in time during the morning, Merlin had sent me a fire message, but I didn’t receive it until I left the room sometime far later in the day… After Gabriel and I had created our first child.

Even though I was no longer the Mother, I knew exactly when I had conceived. I felt the presence in my mind shift to my abdomen as the soul of our first child took residence in their own body. I was overjoyed, ecstatic, and Gabriel, well the look on his face was worth all the pain and all the heartbreak that had led us to this moment.

It wasn’t until I left the room, sometime in the evening, that Merlin’s fire message finally reached me. The procedure had worked, I knew that much, but there was an unforeseen side-effect: there was a life link now, between Merlin and myself, what happened to one of us, would affect the other.


Published by Natalie Bartley

I am a fantasy/sci-fi/smut writer, my first book "Love and Pain in Zion" is available on Amazon. I am also scribing for Medea, the Sorceress of Colchis on the blog Legends of the Veil (https://curseofthefallen.wordpress.com), and Amphitrite on In the Pantheon (https://inthepantheon.com). My husband and I are planning on opening up a New Age/Metaphysical store, where I am running the storefront and he is running the services in the back. Since he is already a licensed interfaith minister and can perform weddings in Ontario, and a Reiki master, we can start offering services soon. I am enrolled in Witch School International as a seminary school of the Correllian Nativist Tradition. I have mostly completed my First Degree clergy status, and am almost finished my Second Degree. Brian and I run a local temple (Temple of the Night) which is a part of the Correllian Nativist Tradition. We are currently the only temple with full temple status in Canada.

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