The Death Of My Heart

“I can’t go on… not without him…”

I heard the words I had been dreading since I admitted to myself how I felt. “He’s, he’s dead.” Merlin had brought him back, teleported from some unknown place. He was himself badly injured, I was surprised he managed to get them back, but all I saw was Lycaon. His lifeless body right in front of me. I remember rage, blinding rage, and tears. Tears that burned down my face. Morgan was trying to find a way to bring him back, to save me from my deal. 

I remember asking Morgan, or maybe I ordered her, that part was fuzzy, to heal Merlin because we needed answers. The next thing I knew I was 20 ft long and drakonic, I don’t even remember making the shift. I think my cranky old friend was trying to protect me somehow. He spoke with the crowd, getting Morgan to finally start healing Merlin. I couldn’t feel any sense of soul from Lycaon. He was gone, well and truly gone. Merlin has said that he lost the shard, he thinks Kane may have grabbed it. I laughed in my head. The shard would not work for him. The drakon gifted it to Lycaon, it would only have worked for Lycaon. Lilith and Minotauros were trying to help, I knew that, but every word, that everyone said, got under my skin.

It was then that I stepped out of the cabin and roared into the night, spewing flame 50, 60 ft in front of me, destroying everything in my path. Arguing was going on behind me, but I didn’t care until Merlin woke up. I moved quickly, too fast for my size, and pinned him to the ground demanding answers. He surprised me by rolling away and throwing me across the room. I realized that people were about to get to blows, and I shifted back, angry smoke and brimstone still spewing from my mouth, even in human form. I fell beside Lycaon, my head resting on his chest, looking up at the face I loved more than my own life. I raised him onto a bier, white marble glistening in the dim light of the cabin, and covered it over with a glass casing, keeping his body safe.

The conversation had turned to plan the attack, making sure that we could do what needed to be done. I assured them that the spell would work, and Edward would be staying out of the main fight. He cared not for the little skirmishes leading up to it. But as per our deal, if he wanted me, he would keep his word. It was Merlin who surprised me by telling me that he took some of the wizard’s blood. Why would he want that, who was he trying to resurrect? And that was when I knew. 

Jason, the coward had been hiding as Edward this whole time. He was with me the day before, not far from here. He must have left and immediately made his way to wherever Kane was if he had been there. He was trying to resurrect our sons. Resurrections were dangerous, you never got the person back the way you knew them, there was always something missing. And the longer they were gone, the more they would be different. My boys would not be returning. And I would not rip their souls from Elysian to sate Jason’s needs. I had to explain this, thoroughly. Yes, I managed to fall into his trap, and yes, I would keep my word once this was all done.

This didn’t sit well with the others, but I didn’t care. As long as Morgan was safe, and no one else died, I would sacrifice myself to Jason a thousand times over. They sorted out a battle plan, one that didn’t sit well with me, but I saw the merit in it. So I went along with it. I could feel a new power bubbling within me, but I was unsure of its origins, so I shoved it down. The crowd dispersed, people, heading off to get ready in their own way. I remember Lilith stating that she was heading back home to see what she could learn from her sons. I paid little attention to it. Honestly, I think the drakon spoke for me for most of the night. 

Once Merlin had left, I couldn’t look at him without seeing the survivor’s guilt in his eyes… And that broke me even further. Knowing he did whatever he could to help and still failed, but still brought Lycaon’s body home. I couldn’t face him, not any time soon. Morgan and Minotauros were talking, and I brought forth a bottle of the Mad God’s wine, straight from his coffers. He’d never miss it, and I needed the strongest drink I knew of. I lost myself in the bottle until I heard something unique, and I ran over to the couple. The newly engaged couple. My drunken stupor got worse, and I cursed the Mad God in my head for creating this befuddling brew. Morgan asked me something, and I think I agreed. I remember being happy, but also that I wouldn’t remember it the next day. I made my way then back down to the bier I had raised and laid down on the floor beside it, drinking myself to sleep.

~~~

The next day I woke to Morgan in a white dress, and then I remembered. She had asked Mino to marry her and then had asked if I would perform the ceremony. While I said yes, of course, I was torn inside. I felt hollow, part of my heart missing, both from the attack and from Lycaon’s death. I wanted to marry them, more than anything, but I didn’t know how much of myself I could put into it… And then Mino had to comment about his mother and I broke. My entire day was spent preparing both mentally and magically for the toll this gift was about to exact. I had a few private minutes, and pulled out my seeing mirror. It was a gift from Baba Yaga when I was younger, to see and speak, with people on the other side. The only catch, they had to be long dead, so I couldn’t use it to contact Lycaon.

“Pasiphaë, can you hear me?” I asked weakly. 

“Medea, what’s wrong? You sound horrible!” Her voice sounded like it was coming through a speaker, but that was normal. “Is Mino alright?”

I smiled calmly and nodded. “Your son is thriving, Pas. And he’s engaged.”

Pasiphaë’s face lit up, and I smiled. “I’m so glad, is it to Morgan? He’s been talking about her non-stop.” I nodded again. “YES!” I saw her spectre jump and dance happily. “That makes us family, you know.” 

I smiled and wanted to hug her desperately. “We were family long before this, Pasiphaë. You know, as well as I do, that family is more than blood.” She nodded and I sighed. “I need to pull you for a bit.” Her eyes widened and I explained my plan.

“Ok, I’ll speak with Minos and let him know.“ I nodded and sighed, tears falling down my face without my realizing. “Now, tell me what’s wrong. The last time we spoke, Mino had just arrived at the cabin and you were fawning over that wolf of yours, Lycaon.” I gasped painfully, the wound still fresh in my heart. “Did something happen to him?” I nodded.

“If you see him, will you please let me know? I need to know he’s safe in the afterlife. So help me if he’s in Tartarus I will break the walls down and haul his ass out of there.” 

Pasiphaë nodded and promised she would. “OK, I can’t stay if I’m going to make it over to Minos before you need to call. Just, Medea, be safe. You are the sister I never got, and I’m still watching over Chal.” I smiled gratefully. Pasiphaë was a lot like me, in ways I could never explain to Mino. “I love you sister, and I’ll see you at the ceremony.”

I smiled tiredly and replied. “I love you too, Pasiphaë. Keep your ears and eyes open, something foul is moving between the worlds, and I’d hate for you to get caught up in it. I’ll see you soon.” She vanished from sight, and before I could put the mirror down I saw Mermerus and Pheres appear.

Mater, you cannot let pater resurrect us.” They said as one.

I broke down again. “But I would have you back…”

“You know the cost, a life for a life.” They intoned.

“Lycaon just died, that life is paid,” I said, wounded.

They sighed at me and shook their heads. They weren’t twins, but they were born extraordinarily close to each other. “That is not the spell pater has.” I looked at them. “A child for a child. To bring us both back, you will lose your children.”

I recoiled from the mirror, almost dropping it. “I have borne no other children since you two, I couldn’t.”

They nodded sadly and looked at me, tears in their spectral eyes. “No, you have raised children.” 

“No! He will not take them away from me.” I shouted. “I’m sorry boys. Mater loves you both, please be safe. I need to go, I have a wedding to perform.”
“We love you mater, we forgive you….” were the last words I heard before shoving the mirror away. I stood up and formed a black gown, taken from my Victorian stock, and donned it quickly, pulling the veil over my face. I made my way back downstairs to Morgan and Minotauros and began helping with their wedding set up, my heart reinfusing itself with the knowledge that I would keep them both safe at all costs.

https://curseofthefallen.wordpress.com/2020/05/07/the-death-of-my-heart/

Published by Natalie Bartley

I am a fantasy/sci-fi/smut writer, my first book "Love and Pain in Zion" is available on Amazon. I am also scribing for Medea, the Sorceress of Colchis on the blog Legends of the Veil (https://curseofthefallen.wordpress.com), and Amphitrite on In the Pantheon (https://inthepantheon.com). My husband and I are planning on opening up a New Age/Metaphysical store, where I am running the storefront and he is running the services in the back. Since he is already a licensed interfaith minister and can perform weddings in Ontario, and a Reiki master, we can start offering services soon. I am enrolled in Witch School International as a seminary school of the Correllian Nativist Tradition. I have mostly completed my First Degree clergy status, and am almost finished my Second Degree. Brian and I run a local temple (Temple of the Night) which is a part of the Correllian Nativist Tradition. We are currently the only temple with full temple status in Canada.

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